As the Year’s End approaches, I find myself reflecting on the events of the past 365 and contemplating the events of the next. Maybe it’s the season’s fading light or the bone numbing chill, but there’s something about this time of year that makes one take a step back and see things from a wider perspective. When that happens it’s easy to get cynical and take everything with a grain, nay, a spoonful of salt. This is especially easy given recent events. No I don’t just mean the election, but yes also the election.
That’s why we here at the Wormhole Less Traveled (by which I mean me) would like to list the reasons why we love Christmas to remind ourselves of the good things we have (and are going to get. Yay presents!)
- It rekindles those warm, fuzzy childhood feelings of joy seeing snow, eating snow, freezing snowballs for maximum concussive injury, and building snow forts.
- It represents the spirit of the season, of charity and giving and human beings loving and supporting each other at a time when the world around us seems to be literally dead. No I don’t just mean the election but goddammit also the election.
- It allows me to do one of my favorite things, which is listen to variations of the same song on repeat forever.
- It’s like a second Halloween because at this point most stores are tossing bags of leftover candy at passerby to make room on their shelves for the Christmas candy.
- It gives me the chance to remind everyone in a very snooty tone that actually in some places in the world, Christmas takes place in the Summer, mmhmmmhummummm myes.
- It gives me a brief reprieve from my side gig battling the Lords of Heat since the colder temperatures suppress their alien energies and makes them sluggish like hibernating bear.
- Great deals and sales and limited time offers on things I put off buying until now because I love saving 15% on frivolous things like dozens of comic books or last year’s hot hot hot holiday game of the year special edition with all the DLC and at half the price.
- It fills me with existential dread at the idea that one day I will have to lie to my precious children about Santa Claus and everyone will expect me to uphold this tradition, enforcing this unspoken law like some kind of Christmas Mafia.
- Holiday themed flavored Frappuccinos.
- Putting off my New Year’s resolution another week and realizing there are literally no weeks left to do that. And then being okay with that. And then frantically trying to make up for 12 months of procrastination.
- Turning Christmas dinner into a second Thanksgiving because I have a stomach where my soul used to be and it Must. Be. FED.
- And a partridge in a pear tree!
If anyone has any reasons they love Christmas that they would like to share, send me a specially marked parcel wrapped in elf hide via Pegasus Courier Service to:
323232 East Lick Holiday Drive Ave Plaza
Wonderville, KY 40004 USA, The Wormhole Less Traveled, Universe 5241, Multiplex Gaga, Near the Dump Cluster
Care of: Star Ninja
Or you can leave a comment below. Happy Holidays!