Save The World! (Cutscene I)

Void by Budi Satria Kwan

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President Valdez lined up the shot. If he made this next one, it would be five perfect shots in a row. A new mini-golf record for him. He stuck his tongue out, a habit of his when he was deep in concentration. He made one, then two practice swings. He cocked the putter back over his head.

The door to Oval Office flew open. A young man, fresh out of high school and wearing a red and white letterman jacket, burst in, knocking two Secret Service members to the ground.

“President Valdez!” the young man shouted. “Your crimes against humanity end now!”

“Shh shh,” President Valdez shushed him.

“Don’t ignore me! This was a long time coming, Valdez. Me and all my friends have journeyed across America to fight you. Right now they’re holding back the Capitol Police and the other Secret Service goons you’ve got roaming the premises. They put their trust in me to finish this fight against your Tyranny. Now you’re going to answer for everyone you’ve killed.”

“Just hold on a minute. I’ve almooooooost got this lined up perfectly,” Valdez said.

“Fireball!” the young man growled, throwing a ball of flame at the golf ball. The ball exploded in a cloud of shrapnel and debris. Valdez lowered his putter, clearly disappointed.

“You messed up my swing.”

“I’m about to mess up a lot more. Hiyaa!” the young man yelled. He closed the distance and went for a gut strike. “Gut Strike!”

Valdez stepped to the side, making the young man miss completely.

“What the? Heel Turn Kick!” the young man shouted. His kick missed Valdez by a hair. “Quit moving! Moon Punch!”


“Icicle Flare!”


“Rising Helix!”

The chandelier exploded. But Valdez was untouched.

“Sit still!” the young man raged.

“Okay,” Valdez said. He planted his feet. The young man went in for a sucker punch.

“Knock Out Blow!” the young man roared.

Valdez thrust his putter into the young man’s face, dropping him instantly. He straddled the fallen youth and brought his putter down on the young man’s face. Again. And again. And Again. And AGAIN.

“You think this is my first rodeo?” Valdez asked as he continued to pulverize the young man’s head. “You think I haven’t fought snot-nosed little pissants like you before? You think I’m the source of all your world’s problems, right? Right?”

The Vice President entered the room, saw the mess, thought about leaving, but decided to continue.

“Mr. President.”

Whack. Whack. Whack. Whack.

“Mr… Mr. President?”


“Valdez!” the Vice President called out. Valdez looked over his shoulder, his blood shot eyes pulsing with rage. “Um… We need an answer on the wildfire situation in Commencement.”

“The what?” Valdez asked.

“The wildfires. In Commencement.”

“Where’s that?” Valdez asked, spitting on the young man and dropping his putter.

“The Left Coast, sir.”

“The Lefties caught fire? Pfff. Fuck ’em. They didn’t vote for me.”

“If I may say, you do have a lot of supporters there.”

“I do, huh?”

“And it would do your image some good to show you sending aid over there. Maybe even a photo op of you handing out supplies.”

“Yeah. I guess. Actually that’s a fucking great idea, Vip. Set it up. We’ll leave as soon as the smoke clears up a bit. Don’t want to damage these lungs, you know,” Valdez said, tapping his chest.

“And um… what are we to do about… that?” the Vice President asked, motioning to the writhing young man on the floor.

“Oh, him? Huh. I guess we can…”

$ Buy their silence with some free college or some shit.

= Lock them up. Lock them all up.

% Acquire about half of their home towns and destroy it while they watch.

& Put them in the Program. I need more soldiers for my Holy War.

“Eh, I’m sure we’ll figure something out,” Valdez said with a smile as a pair of Secret Service agents dragged the young man from the room. “Okay, Vip. I’m about to show these muthafuckas how the government does some muthafuckin aid!” He grabbed a new putter from a nearby bag. “Now, watch this shot.”


2 responses to “Save The World! (Cutscene I)”

    1. A succinct and entirely appropriate review. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

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